[Cat's Punch] [Note: Spoof of Lupin the 3rd.]
[Anyway, this is GinTama... Not Cat's Punch!!]
[Yamanoi-san, sorry for putting you through all this trouble. (Laughs) The other half is about Odd Jobs Gura-san.]
["Exaggerate the Tales of Your Exploits by a Third, so Everyone Has a Good Time"]
I was quite famous long ago. I traveled to all the galaxies.
You liar.
You're exaggerating, aren't you?!
That's not true.
I stole the Treasure of Fire from the smallest member of the UN,
[Note: "Treasure of Fire" is the main theme of "Lupin the 3rd: The Castle of Cagliostro" movie. The small old man claiming to be a clone is Mamo from "Lupin the 3rd: Mystery of Mamo" movie.]
and defeated a little old man who said he was a clone.
China-girl, you don't need to wipe the floors.
Just sit quietly somewhere!! I'm begging you!!
You, too!! Get back to work!!
How many months of rent do you think you've got to pay back?!
If you don't have the money, then I'll make you work to pay it!!
Once you're finished with that, buy me some cigarettes.
You can get to work too!!
You sure are odd, Granny.
You're rehiring the thief who robbed money from your store.
She might swindle you again.
She won't steal anymore.
We made a promise.
Anyway, you get back to work...
That's not fair of Gin-chan.
Taking off like that and leaving us to do it all.
Thanks to him, our work has doubled.
Otose-san was furious and said that if we don't pay off our rent by next month, she'll kick us out.
What are we gonna do?
Do you want this cardboard box?
Are you telling us to live in that?! Is that what you're saying?!
No way! We can't live in this!! At least make it a large one!!
Excuse me?! Isn't there something wrong about that?!
I won't forgive anyone who gives Otose-san a hard time.
Since you don't pay the rent, you rent scofflaws
should get thrown out along with the recycling and garbage!
What?! You were the thief, Pig-ears!
Shall I rip off those ears and turn you into a trailer-park housewife?!
And what about you with all your "Uh-huhs"?!
How about I rip that "Uh-huh" off you and turn you into a normal character?!
Hey, both of you, calm down.
Shut up!
Shall I rip the glasses off your face and make you an even wimpier character?!
Over my dead body!
You jerks have no idea how important the straight man is in this story, do you?
My, my... You're looking well, Catherine.
Been looking for you.
K-Kurikan...
I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!!
You've changed since I last saw you.
How tactless. Only little girls like to hear how they've changed.
Mature women like to be told how they haven't changed a bit.
Your personality is still the same.
But you had more spunk when we were last teamed up.
You went around looting treasures from all over the galaxy,
[Note: Spoof of scene from Charlie's Angels Movie.]
and you could crack open... any safe with the greatest of ease.
There wasn't a crook out there...
...who didn't know Latchkey Catherine.
Knock it off. I've given up thieving.
That's right. That's what you said when you left us.
But I've heard rumors that you were thrown into the slammer here on earth.
The habit of stealing is harder to get rid of than a curry udon stain.
No matter how many times you wash it, it doesn't come out.
What's the point in going straight now?
Why not join Cat's Punch again?
Actually, we've got a big job here in Edo.
Amanto and money from across the galaxy gather here... It's better than catnip.
And we need your help to get it, Catherine.
Stop it!!
I'm indebted to the hostel owner now...
I won't betray her again.
I know all about that.
That's why you wouldn't want to cause her any more trouble, right?
Lately, there have been a lot of fires around here.
Better keep a close watch on your place, too.
You know, don't you?
Cat's Punch is capable of anything when money is at stake.
Kurikan, you bastard...
Hey, don't look at me like that. This is good for you, too.
You're still sending money to your folks back home, right?
You can't earn that much at a seedy snack house like that.
Besides, it's impossible for you to stay honest. Want proof?
I can see it in your face-it's killing you.
Forget about trying to go clean. You should be proud of your special talents.
I'll be waiting behind the factory at 3-chome block at 2:00 A.M.
[Otose Snack House]
Oh? Is that so?
Is that all you have to say Otose-san?
At this rate, Catherine is going to become a thief again.
Just leave her alone. I figured she'd get back into that life eventually.
Whoa. It's Gin-san. It's a mini Gin-san.
That's right. Just leave her alone.
People without backbones will collapse on their own.
Those with a backbone will walk straight even if you leave them alone.
What is this?
It's a limited-edition announcer Ketsuno figurine.
It's my treasure. Take this to cover my rent...
Jeez. You're all idiots.
Just get out of here already.
Don't come back here again.
Okay. Thank you for everything.
[Chanko Dining - Waka]
What?! We don't need any Amanto working here.
And you have a criminal record too? No way! Beat it! Get lost!
It looks like getting thrown in the slammer didn't do you any good.
If you're going to cry about it, then don't steal in the first place.
But I can't do anything else.
This is the only thing I know how to do to survive!
You idiot!
Rather than suffering and complaining about your disposition,
why don't you suffer while trying to change yourself?
Then you can cry.
So you showed up, Catherine.
That's right. That's the face I wanted to see.
Cat's Punch is back together again.
What are you doing?
Sorry, but I can't steal anymore. Please forgive me.
Huh?! What are you saying? Don't you care what happens to the old lady?!
Please don't lay a hand on her.
Instead, take it out on me.
All right, you damn bitch!!
You're always acting like you're so high and mighty,
but you crawled out of the same hole we did!!
You think you can go legit now?! Dream on! Yer a lowly thief!!
Once you're a thief, that's all you can be for the rest of your life!!
Hey, Yoemon, gimme your sword!!
I'm going to cut off this bitch's ears and turn her into an ordinary trailer-park housewife!!
I don't have one.
Huh? You do have one.
I told you, I don't have one you, shit-head!!
Wh-Who are you?!
But I can give you a wooden sword...
Any time you like!
That's that.
As they say, "Birds of a feather flock together."
You must have had a crappy life...
Well, I guess the same goes for me.
You haven't lived a life to be proud of.
You try to run straight and true, but somewhere along the line you get dirty.
But if you keep your eye on the road and keep on going...
sooner or later the dirt will dry up and fall off.
Did you come here to tell me that?
Sakata-san, you really are a fool.
Well... Actually, granny kicked me out,
so I figured I was gonna sleep in the gutter tonight.
Catherine, I helped you out; so could you put in a good word for me? Please.
So he says.
How about it? We worked off about three months' worth of rent.
What are you, nuts?
One month-that's it.
["Men Have a Weakness for Girls Who Sell Flowers and Work in Pastry Shops"]
[Odd Jobs Gin]
My mommy said that fools never catch colds. So how?
How'd you do it?
Shut up. Go away.
That sure is nice. It sure is cool...
I want to wear one, too.
What's wrong with you?
Hey, what are you doing?
We don't have any more cooling gel packs.
Gin-san, your rice porridge is ready.
Sorry, but I'm not very hungry.
You won't get better if you don't eat. Eat, sweat, and sleep.
That's the best way to cure a cold.
Hey! Why are you eating and sweating?!
Shinpachi, I'm feeling kind of sick, too. What'll I do?
Will I have to put on a mask and eat rice porridge? This isn't good.
Don't lie!!
Come on... It's not fair that only Gin-chan gets to do this.
He gets to eat rice porridge and wear a mask.
It's like a party. I want to catch a cold.
You're an idiot. Go catch a cold. Catch a head cold.
Don't get cocky just because you caught a cold, moppy head.
I can catch a flu any time I want. Don't underestimate me.
She's an idiot. She's a real idiot.
Oh no. We had a job today.
That's a little impossible. You have a 40-degree fever.
[NOTE: 104º Fahrenheit]
We can't turn down a job.
I can't leave this to idiots who can't even catch a cold in wintertime.
Hey.
Wait. Why are you calling me an idiot?
Excuse me. I'm coming in. I requested a job the other day.
Excuse me...
Hey, hey, walking in without knocking? What an impolite client.
She pushed the intercom button.
What do you want? I'm Odd Jobs Gura-san.
What do I want? Umm... I'm Kawasaki. I asked you to find out if my husband was cheating on me.
Yeah, yeah, I'm listening.
Patsuan, pour her some tea.
Kagura-chan, don't act like that in front of our client.
She can barely see your face, too.
Shut up. He's always like this.
Gin-san corresponds with the clients.
Yeah, yeah. So you say...
So...
About the investigation...
You suspect that your husband is cheating on you?
Yes. There's no mistake.
Lately, he's been coming home late every day, and his clothes smell of women's perfume.
Ma'am, we can't assume he's been cheating solely on that evidence.
There are a lot of paranoid drama queens out there who act like tragic heroines like you.
Are you sure you're not imagining it?
Hey, hey!
Patsuan, I don't feel like taking this case. Can I go eat a parfait?
What are you saying?! Hey!!
That's what Gin-san would say, but why are you saying it?!
Hey!! You accepted my request over the phone yesterday!!
This is not what we agreed on.
I just don't like it.
You're speaking ill of these kids' father right in front of them.
He may be a good-for-nothing husband, but to them...
He's their precious dad.
W-Well...
It's Gin-san!! It's a mini Gin-san!!
We're only three minutes into Part B and she's already in lecture mode.
I didn't want to bring my children here!!
But my husband just keeps quiet when I ask him if he's been cheating.
I couldn't take it anymore, so I left...
I'm prepared to leave him!!
But he won't admit to the cheating or accept the divorce.
I want definitive proof that he was cheating!! If I do...
Sorry, but I'm going to have to turn you down.
We can't go looking for proof that'll take away their father from them.
Come on. Let's go, Patsuan.
Huh? Where?
We're going to find proof of his undying love...
Gura-san!!
Th-Thank you very much!!
This means so much to me.
Gura-san, this is great!!
It looks like we can do this even without Gin-san. Don't you think?!
Hey, hey, don't talk so much. You'll bite your tongue.
Gura-san!
Before we start working, why don't we go to a family restaurant?
My blood-sugar is low and I'm getting irritated.
Gura-san!
Come to think of it, JUMP goes on sale today.
Why don't we go to the convenience store?
Gura-san!
What's that thing that completely hopeless guy always wears?
[Note: "Gurasan" is slang for "sunglasses" in Japanese.]
Gura-san!
Gura-san, the client's husband apparently works at a place called the Kunoichi Cafe.
Let's secretly spy on him at his place of business first.
Affairs often start in the workplace.
Jeez. Humans are so pathetic and have no self-control...
But I want to believe in the bond of a married couple.
Gura-san, you're not Gin-san anymore. You're a completely different character.
But that's great, Gura-san!!
[Kunoichi Café]
Oh, Gura-san, that's the cafe.
Let's put some spirit into this, Patsuan.
We've got to prove that we can do this even if Gin-chan's not here.
Don't screw it up!!
Gura-san!!
Gura-san, Gin-san is irresponsible, but he usually parks safely.
Don't say his name. I don't want to live in his shadow anymore.
I'm going to live free...
Gura-san!! Who are you?! Who are you now?
Manager, there was an accident outside!!
Hey!
Did you do this?
Hey, call the police.
[Manager Kawasaki]
G-Gura-san, look.
Hey, come here, you two. You're minors, aren't you?
It's the client's husband. This is bad.
How are you going to take responsibility for this?
We can't secretly spy on him now. He's already noticed us.
Anyway, give me your home phone numbers. I'm going to contact your parents.
I forgot that a long time ago.
You forgot your own phone number?!
Oh well... What about your address?!
I think of all the land under this blue sky as my home.
I'm a lone monkey with the heart of a samurai.
This girl is annoying!!
Manager, wait.
I know them.
Gin-san... You're Gin-san, right?
Sachan-san...
Hey, you pig, nice rack. Gimme. Let me at 'em.
You really are Gin-san. You've gotten so small, but I can tell it's you.
Sachan-san, you need new glasses.
Why are you so small?
It happened because of this accident...
Now gimme some sugar, baby. Give those breasts to me.
Don't worry. I'll raise you on my breast milk! I'm all yours.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Sarutobi-san, this is a public area! What do you think you're doing?!
Getting jealous, are you?!
Gura-san, what are you doing?
Patsuan, you sure are dense.
You're not popular with the ladies because you don't understand the subtleties of love.
Huh?! Do you mean the client's husband is having an affair with Sachan-san?!
That's right!!
When I flirted with that sow, your husband fell for my trap.
He jumped in as if to say, "Don't touch those boobs. They're mine!"
I didn't say anything like that!!
Anyway, Michiko, what are you doing in a place like this?!
Don't act dumb.
Putting aside Michiko's jealousy, you're quite jealous about your lover.
What do you have to say about that?
Gura-san, don't you think you're making too many assumptions?
It's a little rash to presume they're having an affair simply because of that.
Hey!!
You lecher... Is it mistress A?! B?! Or Z?!
Ma'am, you, too!!
Honestly, it's an inconvenience to be caught up in this mess.
Aside from you, Gin-san, I think all men are scum.
I couldn't care less about them. Can't you see that, Gin-san?
Realize who you're talking to!!
Stop playing dumb, Sachan, you masochistic tramp.
Gin-chan never takes notice of you.
Since forcing yourself on him doesn't work,
you tried to get his attention by being indiscreet with that dirty man.
Forcing myself on him didn't work, so I tried to get his attention?
What is that? What kind of plan is that?
They say that when someone who's doggedly hung around you
suddenly pulls away, you feel sad and realize how important that person is.
You're so repulsive!! You already have three children.
I oughta run you over you with a real cart!
Ma'am, flatten him anymore and you'll be serving breakfast, not divorce papers.
You're jumping to conclusions!
I'm your mother, your [bleep], baby...
And so are you!!
C-Calm down!! Are you still suspicious about that?!
I wasn't having an affair with Sarutobi-san.
What do you mean?!
That just means...
You had an affair with someone other than Sarutobi-san.
Right, Sarutobi-san?
Come to think of it, he's been rather friendly with Waki-san.
Hey, Sarutobi-san, don't say anything like that!!
What do you mean, "friendly"?! Z?!! Is it Z?!! Anyway, what is Z?
Gura-san, it looked as if we were taking a detour,
but unexpectedly, we've gotten closer to the heart of the matter.
It's as I planned.
This is a plan to corner that man and make him spill everything.
Didn't you know that, Patsuan?
No. I didn't even want to get involved in this mess.
All we have to do now is catch that woman and make her confess in front of the client.
Sachan-san said that she was a coworker.
She's not working at the shop today.
She's helping out at her family's flower shop.
Men are always suckers for girls who work at flower shops or cake shops.
They sure are stupid.
It's as stupid as a kid who says he wants to work in a toy store when he's older.
But is this all right?
The client looked as if she didn't want to break up with her husband.
And, as you said, this is rough on the children... Is this really all right?
I wonder what Gin-san would do?
[Many Flowers]
Oh, that's the flower shop.
So what really happened?
I didn't do anything.
Well, I understand.
With a wife like that, I can understand wanting to run away to another woman.
I told you, I didn't do anything.
But the fact that she's gotten so mad is proof that she loves you.
I told you, I didn't do anything, damn it.
Flower-shop girl, huh? That's nice.
The cake-shop girl is nice, too. Hey, I told you I didn't do anything.
Then why did you go to Waki-san's place almost every day?
Well...
It's to you-know-what with the flower-shop girl's flower petals.
Both of you, cut it out already.
Keep this a secret from my wife...
Hey, what went on here?
Listen, Zenzo, a dirty scooter suddenly crashed into the shop!
Really? The shop's a mess.
The shop's fine. Customers never come anyway.
The manager of the place where I work part-time
has been married to his wife for ten years.
He asked me to help make a picture out of flowers for his wife.
I was helping him make a portrait of his wife out of flowers. It was painstaking work.
He worked so hard, too.
But It's ruined and totally ugly now.
Ugly? I think this looks just about right.
That's because you like ugly women.
This is bad. I'd commit suicide if I received this.
That's my story. Oh, don't tell her, okay? Don't tell her.
What is that?! You spit in your own home.
You're pretty crafty. That's a pretty elegant thing to do. Tsk!!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, it sounded like you clucked your tongue.
You sounded so pleased when you thought I was cheating.
That means they might bring that portrait back with them.
They may not look it, but they're pretty considerate.
Really? I'm glad. I can finally show it to her.
I hid it even though she thought I was cheating on her.
She'll be surprised.
Oh, they're back. They've brought something. They have something.
Huh?
Ma'am...
This is a present from your husband.
It looks like it's been simplified quite a bit...
Present? What is that?
Your husband wasn't having an affair. He was secretly making this for you.
For me?
[To Machiko]
Her name is Michiko! They got her name wrong!
Who the hell is Machiko?! Don't make fun of me!
Michiko, wai...
Hey!! What have you done?
Hey, what is this?
[Machiko Machiko Machiko...]
Who did this?
There are names written in flower petals.
That's a pretty tedious prank.
[Machiko Machiko Machiko...]
[Michiko Michiko Michiko]
[Odd Jobs Gin]
I couldn't remember if she was Machiko or Michiko.
Which was it?
You're stupid. You two really are stupid.
It's Machiko. Machiko.
The next episode... "Play Video Games for Only An Hour A Day."
Or else I won't give you any snacks!
[Gintoki and the gang stand in line to get the newest game console, the Bentendo OwEe.]
[Note: Parody of Nintendo Wii.]
[But before they do, Katsura and the Shinsengumi appear. The battle for the OwEe begins.]